#whyiwrite

     When I first began this project, I didn't know what to expect. I knew what I wanted out of it: the ability to write creatively, and the ability to make a difference by pushing my students out of their comfort zones.  
     I fulfilled my end of the assignment by writing, but also paying attention to when I wrote. I found that by studying my writing habits, I could become a stronger writer. This comes from research done at Teacher's College, where they discussed that in order to build reading habits, you needed to first study the ones you already have. I am fully a devoted reader, judging the purse I carry by whether or not I can fit a book in it. However, I am not a committed writer in those regards, so that's where I began. 
    What I found was that I enjoy writing most when I wake up early, before anyone in my apartment, and I go outside with a cup of coffee, maybe a blanket if it's cold, and I just write. I love the serenity of being able to think without any interruptions, without the hustle and bustle of every day. I love the calm that comes with knowing most people aren't awake, and of course the coffee helps to awaken my mind. You can also find me with my laptop along with my notebook and about four or five different pens, in case one runs out. I love to jot down my ideas on paper, as there is a more personal connection. When writing poetry, I am more connected to my words through the extension of my arm, like my pen is an extension of my brain, translating my ideas into written form. I then like to type my poetry as a means of refining it. As I type, I am more able to catch my mistakes. Maybe because typed feels more like a "published" piece-I'm not sure. I do love to draft my narrative on the computer. Since I am writing more, I prefer to be able to type. Plus I feel incredibly studious as I sit at a computer typing away and hearing the click clack of my nails against the keys. My best friend is a composer of music and I love watching his hands fly over those keys, whereas I am a composer of words. My laptop. His piano.
     
     I found that I write for a lot of reasons: because it's fun, because it allows me to stretch my creative muscles, because I can be anyone or do anything when writing. Most importantly I found that I write when I'm upset or confused. I am a very deep and sensitive soul, as I've always been told. It has taken me in the last few recent years to come to terms with the fact that that is not a negative characteristic. For most of my life, I felt there was something wrong with me. Why did I cry at everything? Why couldn't I argue with someone without bursting into tears and having them think I'm "too emotional" for this. It took years of work, and countless more ahead of me, to fully accept that that's just who I am. But I am working on it. I am learning to realize that being sensitive is not a hindrance but a blessing. That I can use it to better myself, but like any empath and their emotions, I need to control mine. I could let my sensitivity run away with my sense of awareness and take me down the "rabbit hole" of overthinking and over feeling to the point of not being in reality anymore. 

     While I love that through writing I can find my true center and self, it also scares me. There have been times where I've picked up my journal and put it back down: thinking to myself "I'm not ready to explore that" or "It hurts too much to write it down". I'm afraid that I will shy away from writing, poetry and journaling specifically. But hey-isn't the first step being aware?



     The second part of this project was about making a difference with my students. Dealing with 8th graders can be challenging, and their eagerness to share diminishing. I hoped that through implementing this project that I could push them to explore the deep person that they are-like I felt I needed in 8th grade. They're going through so much at this point in their life that is going to shape who they become later on. They are by no means "stuck" with the choices they make, however they are forever ingrained in their story. My goal was to provide a safe outlet for students to explore issues maybe a little too close to home. I wanted to give them the opportunity to work through issues in their life, either at home or in school and have an outlet for their frustrations or their success. After introducing the assignment, one student told me that she's so excited to start this process because she keeps so much bottled up inside and she feels like she needs to start expressing herself before she explodes. This student has chosen to write a moving story about a broken family. Whether it is a reflection of her life or a reflection of something dear to her, she is being expressive.  While we are only two weeks into this assignment, I have found that students are writing. They are journaling, writing poetry, beginning stories, which was also the focus of this project-to get them to write. We have six more weeks of this project (as we are using this as a second writing project for second marking period) and at the end, I plan to assess how far students have come in their desire to write. I am hopeful that they will have gained some insight into when and why they write, along with having helped them deal with some issues along the way.